When I was a kid, I liked to chat with my friends on our way back from school, or over the phone. We talked about stuff that our little brains could gain access to, and most of our conversations revolved around shows and other schoolmates.
Not sure if it’s a common thing, but when it came to something that we could agree on hating, the conversation would get intense, and we would spend hours ranting about our target of hate. At the end of the conversation, we felt like we had forged a stronger camaraderie.
So it seems like hate does bring people closer.
Perhaps that’s how the dating app Hater came about. It’s basically like a Tinder that matches you to people based on what you hate.
Out of curiosity, I downloaded the app and answered some questions. It was pretty straightforward. Basically, the app gives you a list of things, and you just swipe up to “love”, down to “hate”, left to “dislike” and right to “like”. And after you have expressed your interest(s), it matches you to people who liked or disliked similar things.
Also, it helps you avoid people who do not share your passionate love for something you’re utterly obsessed with.
Perhaps my Hater experience is limited to the very small pool of users in Singapore, but no one has caught my attention with their “hates” so far, and there has not been a single person on Hater who loves/likes and hates/dislikes mostly the same things as I do.
In fact, I noticed that several guys have indicated “dislike” or “hate” for “the guy should pay on the first date”. Not that I like to be treated by my date, but expressing aversion towards paying on the first date does not make a guy look attractive either. (And hey, even Bear offered to pay for our first dinner together. We eventually split our bills that day but it’s the thought that counts.)
There were also guys with such long lists of “hates” that I’m pretty sure I will become the next one on the list.
Now that I am half a week into experimenting with Hater, I already want to stop using for two main reasons:
1. How Binary It Is
Hater seems to operate with the assumption that one has to either like or dislike, love or hate. But as grown adults we realise that we hold a neutral view towards most things, or at least, we try to see the other side of the story. I personally don’t know or care about who Shia Labeouf or Tom Brady is, much less to say love or hate them. And as for highly controversial issues like “Build the wall”, I think they are too complicated to be simply classified as something one “likes” or “dislikes”.
On a side note, Hater has only recommended to me people of the opposite sex. I dislike that.
2. You Can’t Chat Up Someone Right Away
So yeah, I see a guy whom Hater tells me is a “71% match”. And I see guys who are “75% match” or even “79% match”. The thing is, I cannot message them to even say “Hi”, maybe unless we swipe right to each other or something. Thus, I find Hater as a dating app very inefficient.
So what if I know that you dislike investment bankers or basic bitches? It is meaningless if I won’t ever get to talk to you.
But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.
I’ve got Bear. We have few things in common to be honest. In fact, people are often surprised at how different we are. But we maintain or try to maintain a loving relationship through growing our compatibility and not similarity.
I still remember the heated discussions we’ve had regarding the US Presidential Elections last year, where our views differed by quite a bit.
Till now, we still argue over things like what is the right way to treat our families. I still occasionally get cross over the differences in our timetables and lifestyle habits.
Even if Bear and I were using an LGBTQ-friendly version of Hater, we wouldn’t be matched.
Can hate bring people together? I suppose it can. Can hating on something bring one love? Maybe, maybe not. But right now, I am no longer close to the childhood friends with whom I hated the same things. And as for my current friends whom I still connect regularly with, we rarely talk about the things that we hate. We don’t do it because it encourages negativity and makes us sound like we are always whining and complaining.
I am not saying that Hater certainly cannot bring you love. Maybe, in one of the more ideal scenarios, it can result in something like this:
But Hater is just not for me.